beka thrives…but not lately

Lately, I’ve felt stuck in a rut.

And by lately, I mean for over a year.

Were the rut cordoned off into territories, the largest one would probably be attributed to career confusion.

For those of you who know me, you know that my career navigational system has been under duress for quite some time now. My actual GPS likes to flash the message “SYSTEM FAILURE” (which is such a desirable addition to any journey) but I feel like it’s consistent with my current occupational status as well. The “I don’t know what to do with my life!” exasperation is basically normal at this point. (For those of you who know me and know this and love me anyway…thank you.)

For those of you who don’t know me, allow me to briefly fill you in:

I’m 25. I graduated from college with a degree in English that I wouldn’t trade for anything, but it’s a degree that doesn’t necessarily perpetuate an actual job. And no, I don’t want to teach. I have, however, dabbled in almost everything else: college admissions, residence life, journalism, temp jobs, office jobs, wedding photography, nannying, food service, retail (to any shipment receivers out there: I feel your pain), and above all: uncertainty. I love life and just about everything in it, but when it comes to staking a claim on a career to call my own…I’m beyond befuddled.

(If you read this post and this post and this post and this post you’ll be more informed than you ever wanted to be.)

Now, being a driven person without the slightest idea of where to actually drive can lend itself to some feelings of frustration. In my case, those feelings have manifested themselves in spoonfuls of peanut butter covered in chocolate chips.

This has led to some unfortunate ramifications. The fact that I currently find myself wishing that my clothes contained more, shall we say, elastic properties is chief among them. But it’s also induced feelings of sadness, lethargy, frumpiness, and a desire to watch multiple discs of Gilmore Girls in one sitting.

While eating spoonfuls of peanut butter and covered in chocolate chips, of course.

This is not who I am! This girl who is the personification of a sigh, taking on the character qualities and rotund body composition of Eeyore. That’s not me at all. I am a dreamer! I dream about doing things that matter, that are bigger than me, that make a substantial difference. I am a believer! I believe that God has begun a good work in me and will carry it through to completion, that where I am right now is God’s place for me, that above all of the plans in my own heart, His purpose prevails. I am an achiever! I run half-marathons and eat more green foods than most cattle and get straight A’s! I do anything and everything to be as effective as possible!

But not lately.

Somehow in learning how to stay I forgot how to thrive.

I’m not sure how that happened, but it definitely did. Which means it’s time for a change.

In 50 days I will turn 26. I am not at all on board with closing the books on 25 and chalking it up to an “off” year. No way, no how! There are still 50 days left to turn 25 into a year that really means something and I intend on doing just that.

First order of business: losing the fluff. Goodbye, peanut butter spoons. Hello, clothes I have recently retired to the back of my closet.

Why is that the change I’m choosing? And how does it have anything to do with my current life frustrations?

1 – I need a heart/mind redirection. Physical changes make excellent gateways for mental changes, if you’re willing to make both. And I am!

2 – I care about making the most of the life I’ve been given. Occupationally and otherwise. One of the greatest gifts I’ve received is a healthy, fully functioning body. But I haven’t been treating it with respect (see: lack of diet/exercise, non-lack of entertainment marathons), nor have I ever truly maximized it’s potential. I work out frequently, but it’s mostly just to support my sugar habit. That makes me cringe. But that’s true.

3 – Because having an athletic body that I’m comfortable in and proud of has been a lifelong dream. Because I believe it is possible. Because it’s something I can achieve (with prayer, support, and a boatload of commitment). And I want to be the person who dreams and believes and achieves again.

(I feel like that one should be followed by the BE. ALL THAT YOU CAN BE. slogan with a helicopter/mud pit in the background.)

4 – Because I want to be an exclamation point, not a question mark. I may not know in which career direction I’m headed, but I can certainly live life with enthusiasm while I’m waiting to find out. And for me, that starts with getting into the best shape of my life thus far.

How am I planning on doing this?

More on that tomorrow.


7 thoughts on “beka thrives…but not lately

  1. Pingback: beka stays : february recap | beka stays

  2. Pingback: in the battle of enjoying frosting vs. enjoying life, enjoying life wins | beka thrives

  3. Pingback: Second Leg: The Next 25 Days | beka thrives

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